We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We smell like vodka and hangover
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