A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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