I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
