So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
