Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
