don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
