Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize