I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
