your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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