she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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