My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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