Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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