They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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