im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
