Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize