You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
