In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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