I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
