roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
