i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
