lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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