OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
