theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
