peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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