so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
