1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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