Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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