She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
