I'm gonna have a badass scar
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
