please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
