I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
