Kiss
Puke
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
