I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
