Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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