is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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