Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
