Nicole vs. Life
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
