Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
