So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize