You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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