I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
