I am in a vortex of obligation.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
