Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
