i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just want nice things and good sex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
