Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize