Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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