he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
