I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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