your parents love me but you hate me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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