Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
