all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
