i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
