All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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