I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
