my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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