hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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