he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i love accidental penises.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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