i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
