sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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