she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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