They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
