omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
