the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
