OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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