Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
