Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
