I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
