i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
