My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
