I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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