I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
