he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just found puke in my bra..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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