how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I cut my penus on the lid.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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