got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
