I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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