god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she told me i tasted like america
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
