i jhust puked up my retainher.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
