The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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