2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize