I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
