Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
